Forgive Me
by Danamaru
Summary: What's going through M & S's minds while they wait for the disc to load - Post En Ami


Author: Danamaru  
  
Title: Forgive me   
  
Rating: PG-13, verging on a R for minor cursing.   
  
Disclaimer: They are not mine, I love writing but I could never   
have created characters such as these two. Don't worry Chris,   
you should be honoured that we all want to borrow a little part   
of your masterpiece.   
  
Category: MSR  
  
Spoilers: Post En Ami and everything before it. I know it's a   
late one, but living in the sticks here in Scotland, we are not   
as fortunate as the US and have just seen En Ami as of June 25th   
2000.   
  
Feeback: Yes please! Good, bad, indifferent. Go for it at Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk  
  
Website: Catch my other stories at   
http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/badblood/  
  
Summary: What was going through Mulder and Scully's minds as they   
waited for the disk to load.  
Special Thanks: This goes to Nancy who beta read for me and without   
her help, this probably would never have been posted:)  
Mulder's Apartment   
  
As we both waited to see what was on the minidisk, I felt her eyes   
on me, looking for a sign on my face, a friendly sign. I couldn't   
look at her, as much as I wanted to ask her why, I still felt like   
she had betrayed me. I was angry, not just for the lies but that   
she could've been killed and there would've been nothing that I   
could have done about it. There is no doubt in my mind that good   
old Smokey used her to get what he wanted, it's his style. Make   
her believe that she could hold the cure for human life, make her   
believe in him and she would be putty in his hands.   
  
I never received any tape. Nor any sign that she had recorded her   
conversations, only her word, and with that I should be able to   
accept with open arms. But I can't.   
  
I know I have done things in the past that I haven't included her   
in and yes I am probably being hypocritical but only because I   
care about her. She's my partner and best friend and I don't   
understand after everything she has learned about this   
black-lunged son of a bitch, how she could just up and leave   
with him on simple trust.   
  
I realise that she was told more about the chip and I can't blame   
her for wanting to know about the science behind it. That thing   
saved her life, cured her cancer and for that I am eternally   
grateful, as I'm sure she is. What has happened to my   
collected and vigilant partner? Must have been one hell of a   
whopper that he fed her to make her barriers crash in the space   
of a few days with a man she knows I despise.   
  
Approximately 2 minutes later........  
  
We have learned that there is nothing on the CD and I know my   
face is telling her "I told you so." Nonetheless, I am unable   
to control it.   
I've been here too many times to even get excited anymore.   
Being betrayed over and over with promises and lies allows me to   
sense what the outcome would be even before the Gunmen went to   
work.   
  
Seeing her surprise almost made me laugh. How could she believe   
that he would give her anything concrete? That man is nothing but   
a liar and a murderer and she knows it.   
  
I have remained in my position in the doorway since she arrived   
earlier. I am unable to enter the room. The tension caused by   
my distance is uncomfortable for both of us, but I am so hurt by   
her recent actions that I can't even bring myself to look   
interested.   
  
***  
  
He won't look at me. My best friend can't even look into my eyes.   
I feel as though I have been punched in the stomach. Every   
breath I hold is being torn from me as I sit here, humiliated and   
embarrassed by his behaviour.   
  
He's making me feel unwanted in his home and all I want to do is   
tell him to stop. But I can't. I want so much for the proof on   
this disk to show him why I did it. Why I would go on a trip with   
that man, why I'd lied to Mulder to get this to see for myself,   
others like me with that chip that is the key to my life.   
  
I know he was only concerned for my safety, but I'm back and he's   
punishing me for trying to find out the proof and closure I need   
for myself, so that I can finally understand what's ultimately   
keeping me alive.   
  
I am awakened from my thoughts and my gaze on Mulder as I am   
informed by Frohike that the disk is blank. My heart is sinking   
to the pit of my stomach as I rise to see the evidence for   
myself. It's true, I can't believe it. There it is, staring at   
me, laughing at me, the words "Volume empty."   
  
I turn to look at Mulder for some kind of reassurance.   
Slowly as his eyes meet mine, they don't hold the look I'm   
hoping for. They are cold and shrugging spelling out the words,   
"I told you so."  
  
The Gunmen look genuinely sorry, but Mulder still looks annoyed   
and angry, chewing on his cheeks in a sulk and trying not to   
shout at me. I have never been so embarrassed as right now and   
as strong as I am trying to be, I feel like my head is going to   
explode and I'll break down in a sorry state of emotion.   
  
Please forgive me.  
  
End  
  
The scene that I have written about above touched me somewhere.   
I felt so sorry for Scully as she sat there, waiting. I also  
Felt for Mulder as he tried his damn hardest not to look at her.  
I just had to write about the feelings I perceived them to have  
At that tension building moment.  
Big HUGE thanks to everyone who reads this and please, tell me  
What you think - Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk  



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